Saturday, May 21, 2016
Male Supremacy in Marriage
Marriage is a bond between two people, with equal efforts and dedication to the relation. However, we have seen in quite a few marriages that the husband always wants to play his supremacy. He wants to be heard, respected, feared, demanding and does not accept “No” and moreover welcomes no suggestions. The wife has a very little or no say at home. Despite a combined effort in the family by both the partners, some male spouses showcase their supremacy in the family. We often experience that the supremacy of the male spouse is not very uncommon in families and are not totally opposed to either the wife or anyone else.
Feeling of Supremacy
In this era as well, where we talk about equality in gender and both men and women are equally capable in every sphere, there is still a lot of difference that has not been bridged appropriately. It would be incorrect to say that respect comes with supremacy in the relation rather both the persons in this relation are just two sides of the coin.
The feeling of supremacy in most of the husbands is driven by the fact that they tend to overlook or ignore the specialties of their spouse or in other words they fear the comparison. They also lack the quality of effective listening and are only found to react. The spouse thus constantly reels under stress and strain and lives a pathetic life. In this case, most of the relations are seen to last only for the sake of the family and to safeguard the interest of the children.
In context to the matter, there are few categories in which over-demanding husbands can be classified:
1. Neglectful Spouse:
Few of the husbands are often seen to abandon the efforts of their spouse and ignore their dedication and equal contribution. They have no sight to the kind of efforts, either monetarily or other ways put by their wives for the family. Apart from this, these kinds of husbands are always seen in the urge of sacrifice by their wives only for the welfare of the house and their own comfort and skip the responsibilities with one or the other excuse.
Even after the efforts of the wife, they never appreciate them and look for more and keep advising. In this category, the husband not only neglects the efforts and sacrifices of their wives but also overlooks their requirement as a wife (emotional, mental) apart from the basic material amenities given.
2. Demanding husband:
The other category of husbands is those who fall a prey to their demands by putting aside the desires and thoughts of their spouse. Demands are healthy sometimes where you want your partner’s little attention towards you; however, when demands cross the willingness or suppress the identity of your spouse, it is totally unethical in nature.
It is an alarm for those spouses with the demanding husbands, as sometimes meeting their demands simply means demolishing your instincts, emotions, and choices. A crave for controlling and ruling your spouse can lead to destructive consequences. These kinds of people often put the other person in a position with no choices than fulfilling their wishes and imitate the picture of a little boy who knows nothing than what he demands. On the other hand, the demanding husband is difficult to deal with but at the same time, they give an early alarm or threat to the consequences of the relation.
There are few who wish every activity or demand to be fulfilled within a speculated time irrespective of the hardships or other commitments of their spouse. This aspect can further be described with examples like food on the table on time, what said should be given the first priority; your priorities should circle around me and much more. In this sphere, the most common feeling carried by the wife is that they are never appreciated for anything they do. Apart from doing their best, they revolve around the thought of impressing their husband all the time.
Living the life of the happiness of others is a very significant thought, whereas, suppressing you in the process fades the self-esteem and confidence in the person. And, mostly this is what is seen in the female spouses, who for the sake of safeguarding the family’s benefit roll on with the faults of their spouse.
The third category of husbands can be identified as those who think that they are the boss. They categorize their spouse as someone who is only to take the orders and obey them. They take no interest in the intellectual or need no appreciation to be poured on their spouse’s plate of share. Their decision in the family is the first and the last and no correction or suggestion would be acceptable. They behave like the king and everyone else is as their subordinate.
Whether these kinds of male spouses are categorized under any title, the life and the relationship with the over- demanding spouse can always ruin the relation and the freedom of speech of an individual. The spouses suffering experiences a trial at every step and their heart only wants to fly away from the relationship.
3. Over-demanding Instances
There are many instances of over-demanding husbands that many female spouses witness in their marriage.
1. Some of the male spouses do not wish their wives to take part in any of the decisions, but to obey and fulfill what is decided. They want their wives to move as per their will and any desire can be suppressed to maintain the supremacy.
2. Most of the husbands do not desire their wife to step ahead during their intimate times as well. It should always be the husband who invites his spouse for the act and any signs of invitation by the wife can be regarded as morally incorrect.
3. A woman has no right to say ‘No’ in the relation especially when the husband desires to be intimate.
Even in some of the families we witness that the attire of the female is also chosen according to the desire of their spouse and they refrain from doing what they want to maintain peace and love at home.
Effort to safeguard the Relation
It is important to note that compromise in the relation is important to some extent, where it is done with love and care for the benefit of a healthy relation and add the healthy ingredients to spice it up with happiness. However, to suppress own self from living a life of freedom to breathe with happiness is not what is demanded by the relation. Marriage is a knot where two people are tied with love and blessings and no one is handcuffed at the false desires of their spouse. It is important for your over- demanding husband to understand that his spouse is his partner for life and not their followers. It is the right of both the partners, whether husband or wife to get the best out of the relation and nourish it with love and care. And, no one can do more without the other. In other words, it has to be a combined effort to safeguard and flourish the relation.
Protect her Rights
Give your spouse the opportunity to express themselves with freedom. They have all the rights to be reluctant enough at what they do not find correct and put their way of thoughts. Give them the freedom of willingness on what you ask for; they might be reluctant at times due to other priorities in her share, their comfort level or they might not find it wise.
Let her express and decide on what you both agree to a win- win scenario. Do not try to mold your partner in what you wish to see them. Accept them the way they are. A little care and a lot of love can change your spouse towards betterment.
Bring Happiness, not Tears
Lastly, do not close your eyes towards the demands of your spouse. This is never the best solution to preserve a relation with ease. None can be the boss of the other or be the supreme and you are also not permitted to limit you to yourself only in the relation. Turning order into the request, decision into advice and demand into desire, you can make life easy on both the sides. Ending a relation can only leave a scar of the memories in your thoughts and can fade the desire to expect from relations. Thus, a little understanding can bring happiness and smile in life.